I thought that this was different I thought the history of us would never meet suspicion Showing my humanity, I thought that you would leave him I thought that just because you loved him didn't mean you need him but You love him He's good to you and obedient Plus, he's there with you in person They tell me that's a key ingredient [chorus] But you love me too, I know you do, You talk about it How am I supposed to sleep or even dream about it? Now you're telling me I shouldn't even think about it So it goes But you love me too, I know you do, You talk about it Any time I think of you, it seems my mind is clouded How are you supposed to sleep or even dream about it? Now you know [Verse2] I thought that this was special I thought your love was water and my heart could be the vessel I thought that we I thought that we would sail I thought something so beautiful could never ever fail but God had other plans So I try to understand But it's hard for me [chorus] But you love me too, I know you do, You talk about it How am I supposed to sleep or even dream about it? Now you're telling me I shouldn't even think about it So it goes But you love me too, I know you do, You talk about it Any time I think of you, it seems my mind is clouded How are you supposed to sleep or even dream about it? Now you know --------------------------------------------------------------- [Verse 3] When did my priorities go to shit? Like beating out my competition was the top of my list? See, that's my problem, I see everything as a competition If you fighting, you ain't necessarily winning As she reach for my pendant, I'm reminiscing on life's adventures Thinking of all the things that I should've done different What is it? Cause "no regrets" is the motto I just haven't adopted it yet if I still feel the need for repentance Bless [Chorus] On the quest for the cheese and the dough You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the reason to blow You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the cheese and the dough You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the reason to blow You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? [Verse 4] I was with my Mom on her birthday And called my Dad on his birthday And I ain't get them nothing I ask and they never tell me I feel like I never knew them Bought'em some cards and then I got busy I forgot It's 10 days later, I never sent'em What is my problem? Where is the appreciation? They been through way more than I was facing Each day is a blur Like it ain't no biggie we all survived together another 360 on this planet Earth? What am I worth? [Chorus] On the quest for the cheese and the dough You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the reason to blow You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the cheese and the dough You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? On the quest for the reason to blow You gon' ask yourself where did time go Do you know? Do you know? ------------------------------------------------------------ [Verse 5] Laying down with whatever woman I'm with at the time Wishing that she were you inside the back of my mind Trying hard to extinguish you, but your grip won't relinquish On my knees wondering why you won't succumb to the fiendish I mean, I thought that you felt it, I thought I wasn't alone Telling me that we can't talk Almost shattered my phone Telling me that we gotta, cause it's too painful to bear One week later you text me because you wish I was there Waking up in an empty bed, smelling your fragrance The next time that you have a dream and I'm in it, just save it I don't want you to write me It'll mess with my psyche Like when you say "I love so-and-so but wish James was inside me" How we make it to this point? How's it crazy as this? How it feel like a ferris wheel and we ain't even kiss? How it feel like we drankin' the blood of Beelzebub like I'm the darkest of forces because I tell you I love you How come love has to be as flagrant as demons souffle'ing My skeleton as an offering to the one asmodeus what did I do to anger the Holy King and his angels As a different incarnation? Raphael, come save us [Chorus x2] Just because it's real doesn't mean it's gon' work Wish I could reveal just how much it all hurt And I can understand that Stand that But you know I can't stand that Stand that [Verse 6] A few days ago you couldn't say you love me but you can tonight? Say you wanna hear my voice like you ain't got a man tonight? Sending me, tiny messages because you feel like you can get away with it, you're sorry 'cause it isn't fair to me? Huh I don't know what to say I feel like you made your decision, I'm just in the way I feel like an animal, waiting in line to be fed Only thing that I'm gonna eat is an axe to the head Dance around, kill the pig, spill its blood yes Grab the conch shell, looking who's talking now Yes You're the ocean and I want you to drown me But I know you won't, so, just forget about me Yeah I hope he treats you good I hope he makes you happy, just like I wish that I could I hope he's what you're looking for because I wasn't it And I hope that you wonder what could have been when you fucking him

I'm the most down to boast You ain't know? Why you think I'm riding down the coast, slaying foes All these rappers sounding comatose I turn'em into stew If my style need some salt n pepa why she down to shoop? All my life I've been mad at a, mad Adam for creating mad atoms After being bitten by a snake It's shit I can't fathom Haphazard asthmatic rapping 'cause he back at his craft stretching past average like he Mr. Fantastic at classes, teaching resurrection like he Lazarus Paladin, dabbling in tomes full of black magic poems full of crack Got a bite like a Rattata Super fang working on a 1000 bat average Mr. Wayne's bat cavern hidden in the Atlantic Fuck a mic, I spit into the crystal want of Atlantis Outstanding total brawn attacking halcyons 'cause I'm hungry outworld'll bow to me, I'm Kotal Khan fur is blue Triple 6's too Markings of the beast Suburbian sounding like the streets It's c'est manifique ordering the ribeye because what you serving isn't beef praying for my reign to cease? You should have prayed it facing east She a freak, me a freak we a pair: peas and carrots Gorgonzola, roasted pear Bird seed with a parrot Costello with an Abbot Cereal, silly rabbit Jasmine, and aladdin Al green, instant grits Shahan, instant hits Old 'Ye, polos New 'Ye, outbursts Yo ass, outskirts You a cheat. When I out the "ch" then I'm gonna "eat" all the food that's on your plate and now you know why "ou-ch' hurts crowd surf, on a surfboardt made of newports Danny devito saying "BITCH" Mr. Too Short Y'all ain't cutting dope Only thing you cutting is a rug except today 'cause they ones I pulled the rug up under from And I don't care if it Really tied the room together You the dude? Cool Go'n take a bath with my ferret We don't believe in nothing Ivan Ooze, aubergine Harbor me James the maniac is back and sharpening Axes, like the thing the globe spins on Practice what we talking then I been done Legend in the making, bitch I been one Give her liquid pearls and then she pay me, you could say she got me out here working for a double in come This that shit that Rae was smoking on the island of Shaolin When his eyes bled Need to be reminded, I swear Say that Pimp was your biggest inspiration But when someone went into your basement, they said that you was making purp Red and blue, you mix that shit together- purp And DJ Screw is turning in his grave with every slurp But still, you be tryna sip the purp You ain't worthy, 'cause it's royal color

Not a perfect man, that ain't no surprise Older I get, realize neither am I I guess the fruit really doesn't fall far I guess we supposed to be wherever we are 5 years passed where we didn't speak 7 page letter, that was all me I was tired of being afraid Still, I'm sorry I threw the past into your face Life as a man, couldn't understand You was hurt, raising your voice instead of a hand Using your son to lie to your girlfriend 'cause you never learned how to be loved A whirlwind is what it must've felt like Waiting for the right hand Waiting for some kind of break But you was never dealt right Pushing me away to maintain the poker face Way to maintain with both Jokers laying on your plate Custody battle, feeling like you betrayed They always fuck the man over anyway Tryna cope with a childhood gone wrong So of course...who else you gonna take it out on? God is merciful for us to have a chance again I guess that it was just time And yeah, I don't agree with all your choices but Lord knows, I also don't agree with all of mine [Verse2] always thought of reconnecting at an earlier time But whenever the thought approached, fear would bubble inside Plus I'd gotten so accustomed to the mindset Finding false power in the anger I confide in Slowly I began to erode Guilt became a worm digging in my temporal lobe And I started to picture type of hypothetical shit, like "Would I keep up the grudge if they had told me you passed?" They say you gotta learn to live with regret But I knew I couldn't forgive myself if that's how it went And all that time apart gave me perspective When I could see you as a person instead of my father, I could picture us bonding As two men, fundamentally flawed 'cause we enter the world clean And leave it with scars, and well... Had to separate to come back Left to figure out what it take for me to be a man and run that My generation fought a battle that's uphill Felt like Sisyphus when they call us a "Sissy"...shit world would say to shed a tear was always on some sissy shit Rather see us take a life and get a tattoo Forcing us to be a man Try to force us to evolve Make the value of a boy conditional, we lose'em all Reaching for your son in that condition then you bound to fall Limit what a "man" can mean, it's no wonder we fall apart ------------------------------------------

I just wanna know what's wrong with me and after that, I'll leave Subway brake, it soundin like a pterodactyl when it screech When there's people laughin, I'm the loudest one, usually But the other night was...you gotta believe it wasn't me Can't believe you putting me back on the street I'm not upset if there's anyone that got yelled at or hurt, then I regret I was in my own dimension in the kitchen, on the couch I fell in a burning ring of fire in a glass house It was like my thoughts were zooming I could not control my mind E-e-e-e-e-energy was swimming up my spine I'm saying maybe this ain't happening. Tomorrow, I'll be good But tomorrow is today and the decision has been made I understand I gotta leave, I mean you ain't gotta explain I'll get all my things together and get right back on the train And I know that I don't know the man who offered it to me But you know him and I trust you, so how deadly could it be right? [Chorus] You might say that I'm not broken But it's so easy to forget When I'm running through life Feeling like you'll never find me And I might know that I'm not broken But it's so easy to forget So forgive me when I call on you to remind me [Verse 2] I just wanna look and act like you Do the things you do You know best Argue with you but inside I know it's true You just like to test me everyday and in every way But I love you You's a renegade, so I'm not afraid If I bow to you, then maybe that would change a couple things Maybe I'd be more than just another pink orangutan Looking for a split Grab a branch, I'm looking for a hit I dap my mans and think 'cause I'm the only one that seem to trip What a trip this is Violent thoughts What a fist this is Ridicule will put you on MTV's "Ridiculousness" Don't want to be down here anymore Where my brain is at? If I pray then maybe I wouldn't be such a maniac Every relationship that I have, inevitably is a reminder for me, that I'm not a good human being I don't mean I'm not a good person I mean I'm not good at being a person 'cause I'm not a person Now watch it worsen [Chorus] You might say that I'm not broken But it's so easy to forget When I'm running through life Feeling like you'll never find me And I might know that I'm not broken But it's so easy to forget So forgive me when I call on you to remind me [Verse 3] I know you're with me, I can see the way you're guiding me Got me looking out for numbers like the lottery Throwing me signs out the blue like a deaf crip who can't speak It could be anybody but alas, you chose me Why am I here? Did you call for me or did I volunteer? Where's the halfway? I'm just tryna meet you there Too often I feel like I need to be forgiven The hardest thing A man can do is embracing what's in him But still, I bow my head and say thanks For every time an angel moved me out of harm's way Every time I get to feed myself, quench my thirst And every fuccboi thinking they outshine my verse I carry the Thoth and anything required for prayer a way to connect, to something more compelling than air I'm not a creator so much as a translator And I feel favored Yeah I feel favored

They never thought that I'd make it past that first page First word, that first thought on that first tape That first time that I spoke into that first mic On that first stage In that first show Now my shit is so * it go up nose, in both holes Tengo dope My word coke Whiter than a Becky's thighs Always stay inside, only exit when the moon is high Game will always be a shame if suit and ties scrutinize They screw your mind Synonym for rapper is the truest lie Who am I? Well that's James Shah- Same one on that Waif Tape You don't love me, then go'n' hate But don't hot and cold me like Bengay Still spit what y'all keep hidden Y'all left but I stuck 'round Turn y'all into buckshot with my buckshot 'cauze they duck down me and Priceless go way back Like top 8's and a/s/l First one to say "Fuck Swag" All the rest of y'all late as hell Everyone got their own story Your's and mine ain't the same to tell Both determined to do something but I determined not to fail [Chorus] Well can't you see that I'm tired of holding myself back And I'm tired of living life like that? If there's something we want then damnit I guess it's time that we get that [Verse 2] I never thought that I'd make it past that first album Came to Vegas, ain't seen stages in 10 months and I highly doubted I would ever touch one again I would ever pick up the pen Didn't write for 3 months, I'm telling myself that I had a good run Called friends like, "It's been fun, but I been done. It ain't gonna work" Inner demons got me like, "Wow. I can't believe there's so much hurt" Waking up and not wanting to Everything that I had collapsed But I got help And I got health And I came back to reclaim that Gift of, making scripture, with a clarity clear as a picture Taking everything inside and providing a way to identify with the listener Now people know me as that real motherfucker who isn't giving up Putting more meaning inside of a drop of water then they do in a sippy cup You good? Alright. I think I'm gon' relax Maybe draw a bath Put on some Skinemax I'm only living proof of the fact I can stay alive And only tell you 'cause I know we not so different You and I

Still spittin like I don't know how Still living and i don't know how Still sippin Tryna figure if this last round of liquor gonna be enough to drown my thoughts. They swimmin' Never felt like I belonged here Feeling way too old for the club, my confession She looking for stuffing tonight But she don't want my dressing 'cause how I be dressing I thought that I came with friends but they stay pretend I just came with people Perhaps if I pushed a benz Or I was stacking endz, then I'd be more equal To them, is my train of thought Looking happy from shit they bought Looking like they was made for this And I'm feeling like I was betrayed for this I just don't fit in [Chorus] Starchild Indigo Being me is all I know [Verse 2] Spend all my money to get in the door It's like they don't even check ID no more I thought that y'all motherfuckers had a bouncer But none of these people be dressing the code Don't even mention addressing the code Mean, I guess this really isn't a club I just feel like the whole planet is here And most of these people do not give a fuck Ok I guess I just won't give one either Poison my body as long as I'm breathing None of'em care about anything else Ballers ain't looking for knowledge of self Me, I'm just rapping like I don't know how Playing the game like I don't know the score I'm tryna see with this last round of liquor Wait- Why do I feel like I've done this before?

Now who poisoned the well? Who convinced me I couldn't be happy all by myself? I quit rapping a long time ago This is what it sound like to chase a high you can't find at the corner store Bought some timberland boots just for a little boost But once I got'em home, they was just a pair of shoes Where is the parachute? Feels like I'm falling fast. Fuck a screw Life has me feeling like the whole frame is loose Been a day or two if what they say is true Every time I make a purchase, I should feel incredible Every time the pussy nonstop, it's amazing Even if we not connected and I can't feel a thing, ya see I got the women and the living and the name brand And every possession they say is in the game plan But this emptiness in me give me the feeling That it's Christmas morning and Santa died inside of the chimney What's up? [Chorus] They say happiness is a mindset I don't mind threats if I keep my conscience, yeah and all these things they tell us to buy Ain't buying us any time, we living a lie They say happiness is a mindset I don't mind threats if I keep my conscience, yeah And all these things they tell us to do Ain't doing us any good You know that it's true [Verse 2] All my friends starting families or got significant others All I got is this notebook and a box full of rubbers And a brain full of memories I shouldn't describe I shoulda wiped from my mind if I'd have had half of mine But I just had 'bout a quarter No this shit isn't water Think about what I sacrificed, even though i don't wanna Think about what I've given, to be in this position Trading love and companionship for a couple of listens I mean my bed is still empty And my head is still full Put the pursuit of perfection up on a pedesta-d-dal What if I never acquire, making music for hire? Even worse, if I get it, what if fulfillment expire? See the boogeyman creepin Deep inside of my being Putting worms in his stomach, but never stretching the seams What if everything that I've ever wanted and dreamed is not enough to make me happy?

God forbid something happens and I get shot I hope and pray it's in USA and the trigger man is a cop I think if that's how the shit went down, I'd end up saving a lot Of time and money, not having to ask if I'm gonna make it or not 'Cause I know they train well and they don't miss Known to empty that whole clip They don't even get not time, like they was living before Christ Anybody else notice how these days been dividing us? Human don't value human life I thought God was inside of us Eric Garner, Mike Brown, Trayvon, Troy Davis RIP Still can't believe people say this nation no longer racist And believe I'm still hesitant to even open this can of worms When I can get away with white privilege My mother never gonna get her turn Curly hair, never gave it perm Got a little color from my mother's side Introduce her to a group of friends and then they ask me if she really mine When we was living in Tampa I think I was around the age of 3 People looked at her like they wanted to hang her from the nearest tree [chorus x 2] But we free, but we free They keep telling us that we're free When we get on that computer or we watching tv Yeah we free, yeah we free They keep telling us that we free Free to live until they kill us and that's all we'll every be [Verse 2] God forbid something happens and I catch a couple bullets I hope the person shooting me is a maniac when he pull it You know? I mean the type who probably gonna shoot his ex then go out and kill a couple of the boys in blue even though they both innocent men Like, I mean someone who is claiming he is out for revenge and because of it, hurting us all When really he just a criminal who's sick in the head Don't give a shit about the law don't represent any cause Telling himself that he's noble and willing to die When all he doing is propagating death and suffering Making a family cry. Rest in peace to the officers saturday night Rest in peace to the kids in the halls of Peshawar Why it seem we living in the darkest of times? How a person kill another person and write it off? What is it gonna take for the world to change? What is it gonna take for us to be free? What is it gonna take for the world to change? How do we keep our history from being the same?

How come I never wanted to be a lawyer? Firefighter or doctor, you know, something important? All the things that we seem to praise are distorted We need a cop who won't treat a black life like it is nothing Why ain't I tryna make a difference? or dreamt of being in the academy instead of spittin All the industry breeding is narcissism and music just seeing so unimportant in the world that we live in Like I think what I have to say is important enough to put out a record Like it deserve the effort Selfish Bastard is fitting 'cause selfishness is what's in me at least that's how I be feeling when verses slanging and dealing. Then I have peole say that my gift is heavensent How are you supposed to benefit from my rhetoric? All I know is that nothing I know is definite I just wish I was chosen for something better than this [verse 2] Baby, lemme speak something to ya 'Cause I ain't tryna own you or try to rule you But I don't want the shy demeanor to foll you Probably speak on some things that you may not even be used to I guess it's time to clear something up Yeah your body is bangin' but bae that ain't enough Everything that you saying just isn't true I'm seeing all of the programs you run and they not you Where did you go? Where did you go? You don't need me to save you, I just wanna let you know And you're not alone, sugar, because I do it too If we don't let it stop us, then we'll be unstoppable. See, most of our lives are spent Talking to somebody's conditioning but not them And I, been on earth too long to pretend any longer that our fears are our best friends, so you can cry [Verse 3] Damnit, I know I'm not supposed to cry but all these verses you got me spitting making me teary eyed You got me really touched, 'cause of how funny it was Mentioning everything you was doing that you never done Why you fronting and saying that you packing extra clips? My boy google looked you up and said you don't exist And all the trojans you ripping with plenty hoes but dedicating the songs to your Mrs. at every show? What hurts the most is saying you the best rapper alive which is ridiculous because you know I haven't died But I'm a put you on television with Maury and have the lie detector test determine that that was a lie Making wifey cry after testing paternity Thinking you was the father of your style and then learning it's me The only thing you can do to keep from crying is mean mugging, so now you call me a "hater" like it mean something

Consider this the lost book of Ptolemny Tryna keep the lamp lit for lost souls to follow me Self Archaeology Milk carton Spartan wearin silk cloth, and honestly I'd probably feel more at ease if God put me on a leash Ugh Saturday. Contemplate the human fate Race of Apes, floating on a giant marble lost in space Guess that Will Robinson be everybody name Live in danger or choose to endanger everything Thank God I got to wake up in a bed today Catching Z's on the Z line is what I hate Could it be that I'm bee-lining for the grave Could I be brought to the mecca just to fade away? Yo Say it isn't so And I ain't dark enough to people to say that I flow But I've been known to take the square hole of my life With a round peg, tryna make it go 'Cause I'm just a human [verse 2] I'm literally tryna jump the gun Get the number 5 spot on your top 5 list and die so I could jump to 1 Says a lot about the value of an artist's life I'm alright, but I'll be the greatest if I die tonight Have an obsession with music that is truly stupid If you suffer from success, we should do a transfusion Give me just enough of your blood for my life to change And in exchange, you'll have enough of mine to sleep inside the train. Rappin half your life, the world is actin' like, you haven't done a thing You'll wake up in the hospital afraid Sell your chain Start to have flashbacks of what I was doing yesterday: The game of "How long can a bag of peanuts give me sustenance?" And since you're now inside of me - pause in ALL CAPS I'm getting scared 'cause I'm hearing flaws in all raps All my real shit too fuzzy to call back Make me feel we shouldn't have gone with all that But fuck it, I'm feeling tears from exhaustion alone The cause of which is one that I don't mention on the phone 'Cause if I did then you would simply call me crazy And I'd believe you 'cause I make it easy My mom is telling me just to let it go... I've tried for such a long time I'm feeling like this ain't a choice This voice you hearing's not mine It's from somewhere else And by the time you're done listening to this, I probably put it back on the shelf HUMAN

I got a passion to be the best and it stays on the rise I don't know why I'm so obsessed but it stays on my mind All my friends showing interest, telling me to record And I don't even object because when I spit they want more. Cut a demo then cut a mixtape and paid for my prom Plus I went from a laughing stock to the popular guy I've been bitten by something An itch effecting my sleep I had a dream that me, DOOM, and Madlib was stuck in a jeep I tried to go to Art Institute but then dropped out for music Because my gut wouldn't leave me alone until I would do it Went to school for recording but couldn't find no employment Had a friend call me a "Machine" and that's how that shit started So I came with a disc with a moniker that's legit I sent it out to some labels but didn't catch any fish Crying on my knees every night 'cuz I needed to make it Otherwise, what's the point of this voice creating these statements You nah mean? [Chorus] Ugh Say what's the true world, huh? When everybody seem to have they own opinions on your best interests Talking about your life when they haven't lived it Fuck'em, we listen to ourselves That's just how we living in the blue world Say what's the blue world? When everybody seem to have they own opinions on your best interests Talking about your life when they haven't lived it Fuck'em, we listen to ourselves That's just how... [Verse 2] Dear cousin, I hope that you're doing well. Say hi to everybody I couldn't reach myself. Hope I can some soon. I know it's been a minute Since I was in LA and was able to pay a visit. How's your Mom doing? How's Juan doing? and How's Turner? The summer here in Vegas is like we live on a burner, but hey... I mean, somehow we make it through. I know you must be happy to have a break from school Anyway- I've been thinking about you a lot. When you said you wanted to do what I was doing, I was shocked. A part of me is ecstatic, I mean elated! And then another part of me doesn't know how to take it. Want you to know that I'll support any endeavor that you take on But understand, I had to write you this letter. Cause the reality of this life, they never show you And I been through some things that I never want you to go through. There's a lot that you don't know... Like when they don't want to pay you for a 90 minute show. Like the minute you decide to be behind the pen and your relationship with the thing that you love will never be the same again. See, now you dreaming bout a tour. Put your life into a song everybody will ignore Waking up, go through your day, think about one thing And then being haunted by it in your dreams. People make you promises they don't intend to keep Magic eye motherfuckers smile when you close but then big surprise Put a little distance in between, The smile disappears and they wanna slit your throat. If I was was smart, I would've got a bachelor's degree But I been living like success is something guaranteed Potentially, this shit could break your spirit more than once People talk to creative people like a fuckin dunce "We know you starting out, but why should we support? It's not like anybody pay for music anymore. Why don't you get a manager? You don't need a manager. They'll find you. Hey! Why aren't you pro-active? You sold 100 albums! You don't need any money! You need to loosen up on stage. Be funny. You need more swag. You need more hooks. Why do you make your voice sound black? For the looks? You sound like Brother Ali meets Slug, meets Eminem, meets Macklemore, meets Sage Francis...Aesop Rock... I'm not posting your music, so just get up off the cock! You're not a real rapper. You don't cup the mic. This shit is spoken word because he was never dressing right. I never would have thought that voice came from you! You're not bad. It'll take another year or two." Remember when I moved to New York and you were proud? You said it looked like I was doing real good. You need to know something that I never said... I was on the streets, on and off, for 2 weeks. Overall homeless for like three months. In the train station getting woken up by the police. But that's another story for another month. People told me if I just stayed positive, and I used "The Secret," I could have anything I want. But it's easy to be told that bullshit when rich, white men is who it's coming from. If left unchecked, this dream of profession could turn into full blown obsession. And I just want to say that you can do it, but if I haven't done it yet either, what's the reference? Believe me I know what it's like to have a dream! I know how dope shit looks on tv! I used to have so many heroes in the game Now I know that they just as fucked up as me. I used to look up to'em, now I look down I tried to stay in New York so you would be inspired Am I in too shallow or too deep? 'cause I don't know if I still want it sometimes. I'm tired. And I ain't tryna tell you now to go for it This is your life. Only you know what's right. But ain't nobody else gonna tell you a pat on the back Ain't always worth its weight in strife I promise: I'm gonna do all I can to help I just Can't tell you if dreams come true... And that's my hard truth So I'm leaving this Blue World the minute I leave the booth. Love, James