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Thoughts on my Death

from Music for Carnivores by Shahan

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lyrics

The other night, I laid terrified
Inside my bed
Paralyzed
As thoughts of my death were circulating slowly in my mind
It’s funny
Coming from one who’s contemplated suicide
And counterproductive when the only motion’s clockwise
They say there ain’t a way to alter our fates
As human beings
That’s prolly why we move and alter our states
We’re funny things, because we live like we’re invincible
Like death’s incomprehensible
All of the while, aware it awaits
Watching
It’d be a lie to say I’m not afraid
Tomorrow isn’t promised and from yesterday
It’s just a step away
My biggest fear is that I’m speaking to you from within a dream
And I’ll have one foot in the grave by the time I awake
So when the time comes for me to feed the cherry tree
I truly hope that nobody who loves me has to bury me
I truly hope my time was spent successfully
And anyone who met me, felt like I had left them
Pleasant, loving energy
God, I’m sorry for not always being there for you
And worshiping technology
As though it were a substitute
I’m just a man doing my best
Even still
That feels like a piss poor excuse
When I know what I’m ‘sposed to do
I’m sure that Babaji is frustrated
When comparing my lack of discipline
To all his hours prostrated
I’m sure Siddhartha and Yogananda ponder why they bother
When I treat everything more important than lotus posture
I know I’m not as good as the anointed
But I would really hate to think that I’m a disappointment
You spared my life a couple times already
What’s the motive?
Maybe self-realization is pointless without enjoyment
Maybe the whole entire point is
This time around, I’m meant to have some fun before the curtain falls
And while I can, make some music for all the unexplored
For people flawed, that don’t belong or get ignored
Music for carnivores

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from Music for Carnivores, released February 22, 2022
Written, Produced, Performed, Recorded, Mixed, and Mastered by Shahan

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Shahan Las Vegas, Nevada

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